Men Hate to say "I Love You"       Cucumbers are Better than Men

Men & Dogs are Alike       Computers MUST be Men

10. They don't mean it.

9. Their fathers didn't say it to their mothers.

8. It has become a throw away phrase.

7. They don't want to be trapped in some long-term thing.

6. They've said it before...and been wrong.

5. It will lead to "I'll marry you."

4. They think it's so much cooler to say it to other guys like Sammy and Frank.

3. It's not manly.

2. If they say it, their genitals will fall off.

1. They want to get laid, but not that bad!

• a cucumber never suffers from performance anxiety

• cucumbers never need a round of applause

• the average cucumber is at least seven inches long

• cucumbers stay hard for a week

• it's easy to drop a cucumber

• cucumbers won't ask:
  • Am I the best?
  • How was it?
  • Did you come? How many times?

• Afterwards, a cucumber won't:
  • want to shake hands and be friends
  • say, "I'll call you a cab."
  • tell you he's not the marrying kind
  • tell you he is the marrying kind
  • call his mother, ex-wife, or therapist
  • take you to confesion

• a cucumber never snaps your bra, or pinches your butt

• you always know where YOUR cucumber has been

• cucumbers never have a mid-life crisis

• cucumbers don't care if you make more money than they do

• cucumbers never expect you to have little cucumbers

• and if you do, a cucumber won't say "Let's keep trying until we have a boy."

• cucumbers won't ask about your last lover or speculate about your next one

• a cucumber will never leave you
  • for another woman
  • for another man
  • for another cucumber

10. Both take up too much space on the bed.

9. Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaners.

8. Both are threatened by their own kind.

7. Both mark their territory.

6. Both tend to smell riper with age.

5. The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.

4. Both have an inordinate fascination with women’s crotches.

3. Both fart shamelessly.

2. Both like dominance games.

1. Both are suspicious of the postman.

10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.

9. A better model is always just around the corner.

8. They look nice and shiny til you bring them home.

7. It’s always necessary to have a back up.

6. They’ll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.

5. The best part of having either one is the games you can play.

4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

3. The lights are on, but nobody’s home.

2. Big power surges knock them out for the night.

1. Size does matter.