I'm glad I'm a man, you better believe.
I don't live off yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese.
I don't bitch to my girlfriends,about the size of my breasts,
I can get where I want to north, south, east, west.
I don't get wasted, after only 2 beers
, and when I do drink, I don't end up in tears.
I won't spend hours, deciding what to wear,
I spend 5 minutes max — fixing my hair.
I don't go around, checking my reflection,
In everything shiny, from every direction.
I don't whine in public, and make us leave early,
and when you ask why, get all bitter and surly.
I'm glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could sing.
I don't have to sit around and wait for that ring.
I don't gossip about friends, or stab them in the back.
I don't carry our differences, into the sack.
I'll never go psycho and threaten to kill you,
or think every guy out there, is trying to steal you.
I'm rational, reasonable, and logical too,
I know what the time is and what to do.
And I honestly think, it's a privilege for me,
to have these two balls and stand when I pee.
I live to watch sports, and play all sorts of ball.
It's more fun than dealing, with women at all.
I won't cry if you figure out,
it's not going to work.
I won't remain bitter, and call you a jerk.
Feel free to use me, for immediate pleasure,
I won't assume it's permanent, by any measure.
Yes, I'm glad I'm man, a man you see.
I'm glad I'm not capable, Of child delivery.
I don't get all bitchy, every 28 days.
I'm glad that my gender, gets me a much bigger raise.
I'm a man by chance and I'm thankful it's true,
I'm so glad I'm a man,
and not a woman like you!
The woman's rebuttal:
I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am.
I don't live off Budweiser, beer nuts, and Spam.
I don't brag to my buddies about my erections,
I won't drive to hell before I ask for directions.
I don't get wasted at parties and act like a clown.
And I know how to put the toilet seat down.
I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your butt.
And I don't go around readjusting my crotch!
Or yell like Tarzan, when my head board gets a notch.
I don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behind.
I'm a woman you see, I'm just not that kind.
I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could sing.
I don't have hair, Like shag carpeting.
It doesn't grow from my ears, or cover my back.
When I lean over you can't see 3 inches of my crack!
And what's on my head, doesn't leave with my comb.
I'll never buy a toupee to cover my dome.
Or have a few hairs, pulled over from the side.
I'm a woman you see, I have too much pride!
And I honestly think, it's a privilege for me,
to have these two boobs and squat when I pee.
I don't live to play golf and shoot basketball.
I don' swagger and spit, like a neanderthal.
I won't tell you my wife, Just don't understand,
stick my hand in my pocket, to hide that gold band.
Or tell you a story,, to make you sigh and weep
then screw you, roll over and fall asleep!
Yes, I'm glad I'm a woman, a woman you see.
You can forget all about That penis envy.
I don't long for male bonding, I don't cruise for chicks,
Join the Hair Club for men, or think with my d**k.
I'm a woman by chance, and I'm thankful it's true.
I'm so glad I'm a woman
and not a man like you!